Self Esteem

The Endless Pursuit of Self Esteem – Part 3

Self-esteem is about your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about yourself with all of your successes, abilities, flaws and limits. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving others’ respect. When you have low self-esteem, on the other hand, you put little value on your opinions and ideas, and you constantly worry that you aren’t “good enough.”

Although the benefits of building healthy self-esteem are often discussed for children, there are plenty of adults who need to work on their self-esteem. Learn how to tell if your self-esteem needs a boost — and the benefits of developing healthy self-esteem.

Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:

1. Other peoples’ reactions to you
2. Your own thoughts and perceptions
3. School and extracurricular experiences
4. Work experiences
5. Illness, disability or injury
6. Culture
7. Religion
8. Role and status in society

Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you’ve received from these people over time. If your close relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you’re more likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased or devalued by others, you’re more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.

But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem — and they are one aspect of self-esteem that you can control. With techniques such as cognitive behaviour training, you can learn to reframe negative thinking and self-talk and to correct misperceptions that lead you to focus on your weaknesses or flaws.

Self-esteem ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy. Although self-esteem fluctuates over time, depending on your circumstances, it generally stays in a range that reflects how you feel about yourself overall.

1. Overly high self-esteem. If you regard yourself more highly than others do, you may have an unrealistically positive view of yourself. When you have an inflated sense of self-esteem, you often feel superior to those around you. Such feelings can lead you to become arrogant or self-indulgent and believe that you deserve special privileges.

1. Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that others are better than you.

1. Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies between these two extremes. It means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws. When you understand your own worth, you invite the respect of others.

Common characteristics of low self-esteem

It’s normal to go through times when you feel down about yourself. Everyone has times when they feel insecure about their abilities, accomplishments or appearance. However, when you feel bad about yourself in many areas of your life — and these feelings become long-standing — your self-esteem can suffer. Low self-esteem affects not only the way you feel but also the way you behave and interact with others.

How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these characteristics of low self-esteem:

1. Frequent negative self-talk, such as, “I’m a failure,” or “I’ll never amount to anything.”
2. Preoccupation with your flaws and weaknesses.
3. Need for constant reassurance from others, which doesn’t relieve your insecurity.
4. Inability to accept compliments or positive feedback.
5. Fear of failure, which holds you back from succeeding at work or school.
6. Difficulty handling stressful situations.

Benefits of healthy self-esteem

When you value yourself and have good self-esteem, you feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships with others. You feel confident about your abilities and tend to do well at school or work. You’re also open to learning and feedback, which can help you acquire and master new skills.

With healthy self-esteem you are:

1. Less prone to feelings such as hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt and shame.
2. Assertive in expressing your needs and opinions.
3. Confident in your ability to make decisions.
4. Able to form secure and honest relationships — and less likely to stay in unhealthy ones.
5. Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overcritical of yourself and others.
6. More resilient and able to weather stress and setbacks.
7. Less likely to develop mental health conditions, such as eating disorders, addictions, depression and anxiety.

Because self-esteem affects every facet of your life, having a healthy, realistic view of yourself is important. Remember, it’s not about blowing your own horn. It’s about learning to like and respect yourself, faults and all.

About the Author

Tan Danny is an expert in Self-Help. To get more free tips and advice on Self-Help Click here to subscribe to my free newsletter Or visit my website @ www.selfhelpeasy.com

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